California Ceremonies FAQ

FAQ

Can you describe a typical ceremony?

Each ceremony is written specifically for the honoree(s), whether it's a wedding couple, a deceased loved one, a newly born or newly transitioned family member, or any other honoree. It flows very much like a traditional religious ceremony, but without the religion. Instead, there are elements such as words on love and community, personal stories, traditions and rituals (old or new), readings, and anything the honoree(s)/family wants to include. During our meeting we talk about the many options.

The ceremony, in its entirety, is truly unique and personal.

How much does it cost and what does the fee include?

Basic services are the following:

a meeting to discuss the ceremony, get to know you, and talk about your personal story
a draft of the ceremony and as many edits as needed
the officiation

We talk about fee and what else it can include in our first no-cost call/meeting.

How long does a typical ceremony last?

It depends on what you want to include, but my ceremonies run anywhere from 20-35 minutes.

Do you offer same-sex weddings?

I absolutely am proud to officiate same-sex weddings as well as trans-namings and all other celebrations of courage, strength, honesty, and life!

We’re not actually humanists or Unitarian Universalists – or at least we don’t think we are. Can you still officiate our ceremony?

First of all, I encourage you to take a look at the Humanist Manifesto III, Humanism and Its Aspirations as well as the website of the Unitarian Universalist Association. You may find that you connect on many levels.

If you are not a humanist or a UU, I'd still love to talk. The bottom line is, I offer my services to all. Whether my services are right for you or not, depends on a number of factors that we discuss before you book me.

My family is religious. Will your ceremony offend?

I recognize that most families have religious members and there are religious guests at almost all ceremonies. I feel passionately that everyone present should feel comfortable and part of the celebration.

The focus of your ceremony will be love, your story, and your community. I don't mention humanism or UU-ism unless asked to by the couple. I certainly don't disparage religion or defame religious people. I have never had an issue with a religious family member or guest and regularly receive positive feedback.

Can we include a prayer or a ritual from another culture?

If the honoree(s) want(s) to pay tribute to a religious or cultural heritage, I enjoy interpreting various rituals, without appropriating. I might also include Biblical text, as long as it is secular in its meaning.

We’d like to involve our guests in some way. Can we do this? What if they want to say a prayer?

It’s great when guests are really involved in a ceremony rather than simply witnessing it. There are many options for involvement. For instance, vows are often included for the community, children, friends, etc. Loved ones sometimes want to recite something. There are also ways to include all guests. We might do this by asking them to make symbolic wishes while holding the rings, flowers, etc. for instance. There are endless options.

As far as prayer, I respect other's beliefs and, most ceremonies involve commitment to each other as well as your community. So, although I will not reference the divine or say a religious prayer myself, I will offer a secular but spiritual prayer and I can welcome others to participate by offering something that is meaningful to them in their faith practice.

Can we have music during the ceremony?

I encourage including music if it's appropriate for the type of ceremony.

Do we write our own vows for a wedding?

You can write your own vows and I will give whatever help and support you need to do so. If you choose not to write them, I will write them using the words and ideas you give me in our meeting so they are still very personal to you.

How do we apply for a marriage license?

You start by visiting the website of the clerk/registrar in the county where you live. Just search your county name and "marriage license." In LA County, the website is https://lavote.gov/home/county-clerk/marriage-licenses-ceremonies/general-info.

You will get a souvenir copy of the singed license at the wedding but you will usually not get an official copy unless you fill out another form and pay a nominal fee. The info to order a vital record can also be found on the clerk's website.

Will we be legally married after your ceremony?

Yes. California does recognize humanist weddings and I am also a Unitarian Universalist Minister. If a county clerk is ever unfamiliar with my title, I follow-up with them and give them whatever information they need.

Useful Links

* Unitarian Universalist Association

* Unitarian Universalist Humanist Association

* Meadville Lombard Humanist Special Collection

* Meadville Lombard Theological School

* Black Nonbelievers

* American Atheists

* American Ethical Union

* The Black Humanist Alliance

* The LGBTQ Humanist Alliance

* Center For Inquiry

* Council for Secular Humanism